what is the pun surrounding brute part of him to kill so capital a calf

Hamlet Translation Act iii, Scene 2

Hamlet and the PLAYERS enter.

HAMLET

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue. But if yous mouth it, as many of our players do, I had as lief the boondocks crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand thus, but use all gently, for in the very torrent, tempest, and (as I may say) whirlwind of passion, yous must larn and beget a temperance that may requite it smoothness. Oh, information technology offends me to the soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings, who for the nigh function are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb-shows and noise. I would accept such a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant. It out-Herods Herod. Pray you, avoid it.

Village

Please repeat the voice communication just as I said it to you—smoothly and easily. If y'all exaggerate it in the manner and then many electric current actors do, I'd rather take the town crier say the lines. Don't make huge gestures with yours hands, similar this. Gesture just a bit—because to truly communicate a cyclone of passion, you must nowadays information technology in a mode that's smooth and existent. Oh, I absolutely hate it when I hear some overexcited thespian in a wig shout his "passionate" lines—splitting the audience'due south eardrums in an try to impress the unsophisticated watchers standing but in forepart of the stage , who for the most role can only appreciate loud noises and pantomime shows. I would whip a guy for overdoing the part of a tyrant . That'due south worse than those old plays in which King Herod ranted. Please, don't exercise that.

Get-go PLAYER

I warrant your award.

FIRST Player

I'll practice equally you lot ask.

Hamlet

Exist non too tame neither, only let your own discretion be your tutor. Suit the action to the word, the discussion to the action, with this special observance that yous o'erstep not the modesty of nature. For annihilation so overdone is from the purpose of playing, whose cease, both at the outset and now, was and is to agree, equally 'twere, the mirror up to nature, to prove virtue her own feature, scorn her own image, and the very historic period and trunk of the time his form and force per unit area. Now this overdone or come up tardy off, though it make the unskillful express mirth, cannot but make the judicious grieve, the censure of the which ane must in your assart o'erweigh a whole theatre of others . Oh, there be players that I have seen play and heard others praise (and that highly), not to speak it profanely, that, neither having th' accent of Christians nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed that I have idea some of nature'south journeymen had made men and not fabricated them well, they imitated humanity so abominably.

HAMLET

Don't be too tame, either. Instead, let your judgment guide you. Fit the action to the give-and-take and the give-and-take to the action. And never overact in a way that seems unnatural. Exaggerated overacting is the opposite of what acting should be. The purpose of acting—both when it began and until at present—is to hold a mirror upwardly to nature, virtue, vice, and to the spirit of the times. If yous overact or have bad timing, it may make the unknowledgeable laugh, only volition brand those who know theater grieve. And y'all should care more about a single knowledgeable theater-lover than an entire theater of the uninformed. I've seen actors perform who are highly praised by others, but who—not to exist rude—can't perform a apparent Christian, pagan, or even a homo. They strut around and bellow similar beasts that had been made by some amateur to God—they imitate men, but extremely desperately.

Offset PLAYER

I hope we accept reformed that indifferently with us, sir.

Starting time PLAYER

I hope we've removed that fault nearly entirely from our acting company, sir.

HAMLET

O, reform information technology altogether! And allow those that play your clowns speak no more than is set downwards for them, for at that place exist of them that will themselves express joy to set on some quantity of arid spectators to laugh likewise, though in the meantime some necessary question of the play exist then to be considered. That's villainous, and shows a nigh pitiful appetite in the fool that uses information technology. Get, brand you set up.

Village

Oh, get rid of it completely. And make sure that the clowns speak exactly the lines written for them —because some of them will express mirth in lodge to to get some stupid spectators to express mirth, while in the meantime an important part of the plot is and so unfolding. That's villainous, and displays a lamentable ambition in the offending fool to become noticed at the expense of the play. Go, go ready.

POLONIUS, GUILDENSTERN, and ROSENCRANTZ enter.

Village

How now, my lord! Will the king hear this slice of piece of work?

HAMLET

What's the news, my lord? Will the king come to see the operation?

POLONIUS

And the queen too, and that presently.

POLONIUS

Aye, and the queen also, and soon.

Village

Bid the players make haste.

HAMLET

Tell the actors to bustle.

HAMLET

Will you two help to hasten them?

HAMLET

Will yous two help to speed the actors along?

ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN exit.

HORATIO

Here, sweet lord, at your service.

HORATIO

My beloved lord, here I am at your service.

Hamlet

Horatio, g art e'en as just a man As e'er my conversation coped withal.

HAMLET

Horatio, you are as much what a human being should be equally any I have ever met.

HAMLET

Nay, do not recall I flatter. For what advancement may I hope from thee That no revenue hast but thy adept spirits, To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flattered? No, let the candied natural language lick cool pomp, And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost g hear? Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice And could of men distinguish, her election Hath sealed thee for herself, for m hast been— Every bit one in suffering all that suffers zip— A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards Hast ta'en with equal thanks. And blest are those Whose claret and judgment are so well commingled, That they are not a pipage for Fortune's finger To sound what stop she please. Give me that homo That is not passion'due south slave, and I volition wear him In my center'southward core, ay, in my heart of heart, As I do thee. —Something too much of this.— In that location is a play tonight earlier the king. One scene of it comes near the circumstance Which I have told thee of my father'southward death. I prithee, when m seest that deed afoot, Even with the very comment of thy soul Observe mine uncle. If his occulted guilt Do not itself unkennel in one spoken language, It is a damnèd ghost that we accept seen, And my imaginations are as foul Equally Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note. For I mine eyes volition rivet to his face, And afterwards we will both our judgments join In censure of his seeming.

Hamlet

No, don't call up I'm flattering y'all. What could I hope to become from you, who has cipher other than your skilful graces to support you? Why would anyone flatter a poor person? No, just flatter the rich, or bow to those who might reply to your fawning with coin or favors. Exercise you understand me? Since I have the power and ability to distinguish between men, my soul has chosen you for a friend because you are—every bit i who endures everything, and therefore allows nothing to make you suffer—a human who accepts all the twists and turns of fate, positive or negative, with the same calm thankfulness. Blest are those who have a perfect remainder of passion and reason, because they cannot be but played past Fate any which mode she chooses. Show me a man who is not a slave to his emotions, and I volition keep him close to my heart—yes, in my heart of hearts, as I exercise you lot. But I've said besides much. A play will exist performed this evening in front of the king. One of the scenes in it comes close to showing the circumstances I told you about regarding my father's death. During that scene, delight sentinel my uncle with all of your intendance and attention. If his hidden guilt is not revealed during the scene, and so that ghost was a demon—and my ideas most my uncle were dirty and wrong. Watch him carefully, every bit will I. Afterward, nosotros'll meet and come to a joint conclusion about whether or non he is guilty.

HORATIO

Well, my lord. If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing, And 'scape detecting, I volition pay the theft.

HORATIO

Very well, my lord. I'll watch him and so closely that if he manages to steal anything and I don't find it, I promise to pay the toll of the stolen item.

A Danish march plays. Trumpets play. CLAUDIUS enters with GERTRUDE, POLONIUS, OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and other lords attendant with CLAUDIUS 'southward guard conveying torches.

Hamlet

They are coming to the play. I must be idle. Get you a identify.

Village

They're coming. I must look like I'chiliad doing naught. Find a seat.

CLAUDIUS

How fares our cousin Hamlet?

CLAUDIUS

How do you fare, my nephew Village?

HAMLET

Excellent, i' religion, of the chameleon'due south dish. I swallow the air, promise-crammed. You cannot feed capons then.

Village

Fantabulous! In fact, I eat the air—total equally information technology is of promise—just as chameleons do. That's no fashion to feed a chicken.

CLAUDIUS

I have cypher with this answer, Hamlet. These words are not mine.

CLAUDIUS

I don't know what you're saying, Hamlet. These words don't answer my question.

HAMLET

No, nor mine now.

[to POLONIUS] My lord, you played once i' th' academy, you say?

HAMLET

No, nor mine.

[To POLONIUS] My lord, you were in plays during higher, right?

POLONIUS

That did I, my lord, and was accounted a good actor.

POLONIUS

That I was, my lord. And I was considered to exist a proficient histrion.

Village

What did you lot enact?

Hamlet

What role did you play?

POLONIUS

I did enact Julius Caesar. I was killed i' th' Capitol. Brutus killed me.

POLONIUS

I played Julius Caesar. I was killed in the Capitol. Brutus killed me.

HAMLET

It was a animal office of him to kill so capital a calf there.—Exist the players prepare?

Hamlet

That was brutish of him to kill so capital a homo. Are the actors fix?

ROSENCRANTZ

Ay, my lord. They stay upon your patience.

ROSENCRANTZ

Yep, my lord. They wait only for you to call them.

GERTRUDE

Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit down by me.

GERTRUDE

Come up here, my dear Hamlet. Sit by me.

Village

No, good mother. Here's metal more attractive. [sits adjacent to OPHELIA]

HAMLET

No thanks, my skillful mother. Hither's something more attractive. [He sits down near OPHELIA]

POLONIUS

[to CLAUDIUS] Oh, ho, exercise you mark that?

POLONIUS

[To CLAUDIUS] Aha! Did you hear that?

HAMLET

Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Village

My lady, should I prevarication in your lap?

Hamlet

I mean, my head upon your lap?

Village

I mean, put my caput in your lap?

Village

Do yous retrieve I meant country matters?

Village

Did yous remember I was talking nearly sexual activity?

OPHELIA

I retrieve zip, my lord.

OPHELIA

I think cipher, my lord.

Village

That'due south a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

Village

That'south a nice thought to lie between a daughter's legs.

OPHELIA

What is, my lord?

OPHELIA

You are merry, my lord.

OPHELIA

Yous're happy this evening, my lord.

HAMLET

O God, your only jig-maker. What should a man do but be merry? For, look you, how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within these two hours.

HAMLET

Oh, God—the ultimate puppeteer. What else tin can a man practice but be happy? For instance, await how cheerful my female parent is—and my begetter'due south been dead for just two hours.

OPHELIA

Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.

OPHELIA

No, my lord, it's been iv months.

HAMLET

Then long? Nay then, let the devil vesture black, for I'll have a adjust of sables. O heavens! Dice two months ago and not forgotten withal? And then at that place'southward hope a corking man's retentiveness may outlive his life half a yr. But, by 'r Lady, he must build churches and so, or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is "For, oh, for, oh, the hobby-equus caballus is forgot."

HAMLET

That long? Well, then may the devil vesture black mourning clothes, while I go about in a conform of fine fur. Heaven forbid! He's been dead for ii months already and hasn't been forgotten yet? I guess there's hope that memories of a great man may outlive him past six months. But, by God , he must build churches for that to happen, or else he'll accept to put up with beingness forgotten, like the hobby-horse in the popular song: "Hey-ho, hey-ho, the hobby-horse is forgotten."

Trumpets play. The pantomime begins. A king and queen enter and cover each other lovingly. She kneels before him and makes a show of her devotion to him. He lifts her upwards and rests his head on her neck, then lies down on a bank of flowers. She sees he is comatose, and leaves. Soon another man enters, takes the crown off the sleeping king'south head and kisses it, then pours poison in the male monarch's ear, and exits. The queen returns and finds the rex expressionless. She weeps passionately. The killer returns, forth with iii others, and pretends to grieve with the queen. The dead body is carried abroad. The killer woos the queen with gifts. For a while she is common cold and unwilling, but eventually accepts his advances.

OPHELIA

What means this, my lord?

OPHELIA

What does this mean, my lord?

HAMLET

Marry, this is miching mallecho. Information technology means mischief.

HAMLET

This means we're having some mischievous fun.

OPHELIA

Belike this bear witness imports the argument of the play.

OPHELIA

This pantomime virtually likely gives a sense of the plot of the play.

The actor who will introduce the play enters.

HAMLET

We shall know by this young man. The players cannot keep counsel. They'll tell all.

Hamlet

We'll learn the truth from this fellow. Actors can't continue secrets. They'll tell all.

OPHELIA

Will he tell us what this prove meant?

OPHELIA

Will he tell us what that pantomime meant?

HAMLET

Ay, or whatsoever bear witness that you will show him. Be not you ashamed to evidence, he'll non shame to tell you what information technology means.

Village

Yes, or anything else y'all testify him. If you're not ashamed to show it, he won't be ashamed to tell yous what it means.

OPHELIA

You are nix, you are aught. I'll mark the play.

OPHELIA

Yous're just naughty, naughty. I'm watching the play.

PROLOGUE

For us and for our tragedy, Here stooping to your clemency, Nosotros beg your hearing patiently.

PROLOGUE

Appealing to your forgiving nature, we beg you patiently to watch us perform our tragedy.

HAMLET

Is this a prologue or the posy of a ring?

Village

Was that a prologue or the inscription on a ring?

OPHELIA

'Tis brief, my lord.

OPHELIA

It was short, my lord.

HAMLET

As short equally a adult female's beloved.

Actors playing the roles of King and QUEEN enter.

Player Rex

Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbèd basis, And xxx dozen moons with borrowed sheen About the world have times twelve thirties been, Since dear our hearts and Hymen did our hands Unite complemental in near sacred bands.

PLAYER Rex

The globe circled the sun xxx times; and the moon has waxed and waned over the bounding main; and the earth for thirty times twelve months, since love joined our hearts and Hymen joined our hands in the sacred bonds of marriage.

PLAYER QUEEN

So many journeys may the sun and moon Make us again count o'er ere love exist done. Merely woe is me! You are and then ill of late, So far from cheer and from your former country, That I distrust you lot. Nevertheless though I distrust, Discomfort yous, my lord, it nothing must. For women fear as well much, even equally they love, And women'south fear and honey hold quantity, In neither cypher, or in extremity. Now what my dear is, proof hath made y'all know, And every bit my dear is sized, my fright is so: Where love is keen, the littlest doubts are fearfulness. Where little fears abound great, smashing love grows there.

Thespian QUEEN

May nosotros go on to love each other for some other xxx years. Just I am distressing. You've been then sick recently—so different from your onetime cheerful self—that I worry about you. But though I worry, don't allow it upset you, my lord. Women in love are always afraid. For women, beloved and fearfulness go mitt in mitt—whether or not there is reason to worry. I've proven the quality of my honey. And equally my love is deep, so too is my fear. When someone's honey is keen, petty worries become big. Little fears grown big are a sign of smashing dear.

PLAYER Rex

Faith, I must leave thee, dearest, and shortly too. My operant powers their functions leave to practice. And thou shalt live in this fair world behind, Honored, love, and haply i every bit kind For married man shalt thou—

PLAYER Male monarch

In truth, I will shortly have to leave you, dear. My body is growing weak, ceasing to part. I will leave you behind in this beautiful world, my honorable love. Perhaps you'll find some other husband—

Histrion QUEEN

Oh, confound the rest! Such love must needs exist treason in my breast. In 2d hubby let me be accursed! None wed the second only who killed the get-go.

PLAYER QUEEN

Oh, curse everyone else! Loving another would be treason in my heart. May I be cursed if I take a second husband. Only a woman who killed her first husband would ally a second.

Hamlet

[bated] Wormwood, wormwood.

Village

[To himself] That's bitter!

PLAYER QUEEN

The instances that second marriage motion Are base of operations respects of thrift, only none of love. A second time I kill my husband expressionless When second husband kisses me in bed.

PLAYER QUEEN

The reasons for a second marriage might exist money, but never love. When my second hubby kissed me in bed, information technology would be like killing my showtime hubby again.

PLAYER KING

I practice believe you think what at present you lot speak, But what we do decide often nosotros intermission. Purpose is but the slave to memory, Of violent birth, merely poor validity, Which now, like fruit unripe, sticks on the tree, But fall, unshaken, when they mellow be. Most necessary 'tis that nosotros forget To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt. What to ourselves in passion we propose, The passion ending, doth the purpose lose. The violence of either grief or joy Their ain enactures with themselves destroy. Where joy most revels, grief doth well-nigh complaining. Grief joys, joy grieves on slender blow. This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not foreign That even our loves should with our fortunes change. For 'tis a question left us even so to show, Whether honey lead fortune, or else fortune honey. The great human being down, you mark his favorite flies. The poor avant-garde makes friends of enemies. And hitherto doth love on fortune tend, For who not needs shall never lack a friend, And who in desire a hollow friend doth try, Directly seasons him his enemy. But, orderly to finish where I begun, Our wills and fates practice and so contrary run That our devices yet are overthrown. Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own. Then think thou wilt no second hubby wed, Simply die thy thoughts when thy showtime lord is dead.

PLAYER KING

I believe that's what you lot call back at present. But what we swear we'll do we oftentimes don't. Intentions are driven past retention. They are strong at get-go, but fade over fourth dimension—similar an unripe apple that sticks to the tree, but falls on its own to the basis when ripe. Information technology's necessary for us to forget to meet the obligation we impose on ourselves. Nosotros forget to do what we promise to do in moments of passion once that passion fades. Grief or joy might spur the states to action, but that call to activeness fades along with the grief or joy. Grief becomes joy, and joy turns to grief, based on piddling twists of fate. The world won't last forever, and so information technology's not odd that even love can modify as our fate changes. Information technology remains an open up question whether dearest propels your fate, or your fate propels love. When the great man falls, he is deserted. When a poor man rises, enemies get friends. Love is similarly dependent on fortune. A person with coin will never lack friends, while a friend who asks another for money volition make that friend an enemy. Back to the point on which I began: our desires and our fates will never lucifer. So our plans never end upwards as nosotros promise. What nosotros want to happen, and what happens, will never exist the aforementioned. So you retrieve y'all'll never marry again, but those thoughts will die when I do.

Thespian QUEEN

Nor earth to me requite food, nor heaven light. Sport and repose lock from me day and nighttime. To desperation turn my trust and hope. An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope. Each opposite that blanks the confront of joy Come across what I would have well and it destroy. Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife If, one time a widow, ever I be wife!

PLAYER QUEEN

May the earth give me no food and the sky no light; may I have no remainder or leisure, day or nighttime; may my trust and hope turn to despair; may inexpensive prison food be all the comfort I can hope for; may all the forces that plough joy to sadness destroy all of my desires. For at present and forever may I know no peace if, later on becoming a widow, I ever again go a wife.

HAMLET

If she should intermission it now!

Hamlet

What if she breaks that vow?

Actor Rex

'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile. My spirits grow dull, and fain I would betray The slow twenty-four hours with sleep.

Role player Male monarch

You swear sincerely. Sweetheart, exit me alone a while. I'm getting sleepy, and I would like to escape this tiresome day by going to sleep.

Player QUEEN

Sleep rock thy brain, And never come mischance between united states of america twain.

Player QUEEN

May you slumber well, and may no twist of fate ever come between usa.

HAMLET

Madam, how similar you this play?

Hamlet

Madam, how practice you like this play?

GERTRUDE

The lady protests too much, methinks.

GERTRUDE

The lady's promising a bit much, I retrieve.

HAMLET

Oh, but she'll keep her discussion.

HAMLET

Oh, but she'll keep her word.

CLAUDIUS

Have you heard the argument? Is there no offense in 't?

CLAUDIUS

Practise you know the plot? Is there anything offensive in it?

Village

No, no, they do merely jest. Poison in jest. No criminal offense i' th' world.

HAMLET

No, no, it's merely pretend. Just a little joke. Not offensive at all.

CLAUDIUS

What do yous call the play?

CLAUDIUS

What'south the championship of the play?

Village

The Mousetrap. Marry, how? Tropically. This play is the image of a murder done in Vienna. Gonzago is the duke's name, his wife Baptista. You shall see betimes. 'Tis a knavish piece of work, merely what o' that? Your majesty and we that accept free souls, it touches us non. Permit the galled jade wince, our withers are unwrung.

Hamlet

The Mousetrap . Indeed, why? It's a metaphor. This play re-enacts a murder committed in Vienna. Gonzago is the duke's proper name, and his married woman is Baptista. Y'all'll encounter shortly. It'south actually a mischievous piece of work, only who cares? You lot and I have clear consciences, and so it doesn't concern us. Allow the guilty flinch. We can watch without being bothered.

HAMLET

This is one Lucianus, nephew to the king.

HAMLET

This is Lucianus, the rex'south nephew.

OPHELIA

You are every bit expert as a chorus, my lord.

OPHELIA

You're as skilful every bit a play-past-play journalist, my lord.

Village

I could translate between you and your love, if I could see the puppets dallying.

HAMLET

I could do a play-by-play between y'all and your lover, if you put on a picayune puppet show for me.

OPHELIA

Yous are slap-up, my lord, you are keen.

OPHELIA

You are witty, my lord, and sharp.

HAMLET

It would toll you a groaning to take off mine edge.

Village

You lot could take my edge off, but doing it might make yous moan.

OPHELIA

Withal improve and worse.

OPHELIA

Your jokes get better, even as your manners get worse.

Village

So you must take your husbands.—Begin, murderer. Pox, leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come, "The husky raven doth bellow for revenge—"

Hamlet

"For better, for worse"—that's the vow yous have when you take a husband.

[To LUCIANUS] Go moving, murderer! Curses, end making those stupid faces and begin. Come on, we're all waiting for the revenge!

LUCIANUS

Thoughts black, easily apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing, Confederate season, else no brute seeing, Thousand mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected, With Hecate'due south ban thrice blasted, thrice infected, Thy natural magic and dire property On wholesome life usurp immediately. [pours poison into Thespian Rex 'due south ears]

LUCIANUS

Evil thoughts, willing hands, the perfect poison, and the opportunity to act. The darkness of the night protects me: no one tin encounter me. You foul mixture of deadly weeds, which Hecate has cursed and infected, use your mortiferous properties to steal abroad wellness and life. [He pours the poison into the Thespian King 's ears]

HAMLET

He poisons him i' th' garden for 'south estate. His proper name'due south Gonzago. The story is extant, and writ in pick Italian. You shall see anon how the murderer gets the dear of Gonzago's married woman.

Village

He poisons the male monarch in the garden to get the kingdom. The king's name is Gonzago. The original story was written in Italian. You'll encounter shortly how the murderer wins the dearest of Gonzago'southward wife.

OPHELIA

The king is standing up.

HAMLET

What, frighted with false burn?

HAMLET

What—is he scared of a gun firing a blank?

GERTRUDE

How fares my lord?

GERTRUDE

My lord, how are y'all feeling?

POLONIUS

Give o'er the play.

CLAUDIUS

Give me some light, abroad!

CLAUDIUS

Plough on the lights. I'k leaving!

POLONIUS

Lights, lights, lights!

POLONIUS

Lights, lights, lights!

Everyone except Hamlet and HORATIO exits.

HAMLET

Why, permit the stricken deer go cry, The hart ungallèd play. For some must watch while some must sleep. And so runs the world abroad. Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers—if the balance of my fortunes turn Turk with me—with 2 Provincial roses on my razed shoes, go me a fellowship in a cry of players?

HAMLET

[Reciting similar an actor] Allow the deer that's been shot go cry alone, while the uninjured deer plays. For some must watch while others must sleep—that's the mode of the world.

[To HORATIO] Don't you think that with my interim skill—if I wore some plumes of feathers and had decorative flowers on my shoes—I could go a task in a troupe of actors, if things went wrong in the balance of my life?

HORATIO

They'd probably requite y'all one-half a share of the company.

Village

A whole i, I. For 1000 dost know, O Damon beloved, This realm dismantled was Of Jove himself. And now reigns here A very, very—pajock.

Village

A whole share for me. [Reciting like an histrion] For yous know, my honey Damon, that this kingdom lost Its Jove-like king. And now who rules? A big, big—peacock.

HORATIO

You lot might have rhymed.

HORATIO

You could have at least rhymed.

HAMLET

O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a thousand pound. Didst perceive?

Hamlet

Oh, Horatio. I'd wager a m dollars the ghost spoke the truth. Did you see?

HORATIO

Very well, my lord.

HORATIO

Very well, my lord.

HAMLET

Upon the talk of the poisoning?

HAMLET

When the actors mentioned the poisonous substance?

HORATIO

I did very well note him.

HORATIO

I watched him closely.

Village

Ah ha! Come up, some music! Come, the recorders! For if the king like not the comedy, Why then, belike, he likes it not, perdy. Come, some music!

Village

Aha! Hey, some music delight! Play your flutes! For if the male monarch does not like the play, and then, that'due south it—he does not like it, I say. Come up on at present, music!

ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN enter.

GUILDENSTERN

Proficient my lord, vouchsafe me a discussion with you.

GUILDENSTERN

My lord, might I have a give-and-take with you?

HAMLET

Sir, a whole history.

HAMLET

You can have a whole story.

GUILDENSTERN

The male monarch, sir—

GUILDENSTERN

The male monarch, sir—

HAMLET

Ay, sir, what of him?

HAMLET

Aye, what most him?

GUILDENSTERN

Is in his retirement marvelous distempered.

GUILDENSTERN

He's in his chambers now, and very upset.

Village

He has an upset stomach from drinking too much?

GUILDENSTERN

No, my lord, with choler.

GUILDENSTERN

No, my lord, he's angry.

Village

Your wisdom should show itself more richer to signify this to the doctor. For, for me to put him to his purgation would perhaps plunge him into far more choler.

Hamlet

You lot'd be a lot smarter if you told this to a doctor. If I were to treat him, he would but finish up angrier.

GUILDENSTERN

Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame and get-go not so wildly from my affair.

GUILDENSTERN

My lord, please endeavor to make sense and non to veer on such wild tangents from the signal of my question.

Hamlet

I am tame, sir. Pronounce.

Village

I'll comport, sir. Speak.

GUILDENSTERN

The queen your mother, in most dandy affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you lot.

GUILDENSTERN

The queen your female parent, who is extremely unhappy, has sent me to you.

HAMLET

You are very welcome here.

GUILDENSTERN

Nay, skillful my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed. If it shall please yous to make me a wholesome answer, I will do your mother's commandment. If not, your pardon and my return shall be the end of my business.

GUILDENSTERN

No, my lord, your polite words don't make any sense in this situation. If yous'd be so kind as to requite me a real answer, I'll carry out your female parent'due south request. If not, I'll say goodbye and that'll be the cease of my business.

GUILDENSTERN

What, my lord?

GUILDENSTERN

Tin can't what, my lord?

Hamlet

Make yous a wholesome reply. My wit's diseased. But, sir, such reply every bit I tin brand, you shall command. Or, rather, equally you say, my mother. Therefore no more than but to the matter. My mother, you say—

HAMLET

Requite you a real answer. My listen is not correct. But I'll effort to give the best answer I tin can to y'all—or rather, to my mother. Therefore, let's get to the point. My mother, you say—

ROSENCRANTZ

Then thus she says: your beliefs hath struck her into amazement and admiration.

ROSENCRANTZ

She says that your behavior has shocked astonished her.

Hamlet

O wonderful son that tin can and so 'stonish a mother! But is there no sequel at the heels of this mother's adoration? Impart.

Hamlet

Oh, what a wonderful son I am to exist able to impress my mother! But what are the details of my mother's admiration? Explain.

ROSENCRANTZ

She desires to speak with y'all in her closet ere yous go to bed.

ROSENCRANTZ

She wants to speak with yous in her sleeping accommodation before y'all go to bed.

HAMLET

We shall obey, were she x times our mother. Have you whatsoever further merchandise with usa?

HAMLET

I will obey, as if she were x times my mother. Have y'all any other business concern with me?

ROSENCRANTZ

My lord, you in one case did love me.

ROSENCRANTZ

My lord, you once liked me.

HAMLET

And do however, by these pickers and stealers.

Village

And I still exercise, I swear by my hands.

ROSENCRANTZ

Practiced my lord, what is your cause of distemper? You do surely bar the door upon your own freedom if you deny your griefs to your friend.

ROSENCRANTZ

My lord, what'southward the cause of your anger? You're locking yourself into a prison house by refusing to reveal your problems to your friends.

HAMLET

Sir, I lack advancement.

HAMLET

Sir, I take no futurity prospects.

ROSENCRANTZ

How can that be, when you lot have the phonation of the rex himself for your succession in Kingdom of denmark?

ROSENCRANTZ

How tin can that be, when the male monarch himself has proclaimed you the heir to the Danish throne?

The PLAYERS enter with recorders.

HAMLET

Ay, sir, but "While the grass grows—" The proverb is something musty—Oh, the recorders! Let me see one. [takes a recorder] [aside to ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN] To withdraw with you, why practice you go most to recover the wind of me as if yous would drive me into a toil?

Hamlet

Yes, but as the maxim goes, "While the grass grows…" Though that is an old, stale proverb. Oh, the recorders! Permit me run into 1. [He takes a recorder]

[To ROSENKRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN so that only they tin hear] Stride dorsum. Why are yous moving around me, as if to ambush me into a trap?

GUILDENSTERN

O my lord, if my duty exist too bold, my love is too unmannerly.

GUILDENSTERN

Oh, my lord, if I'm being too assuming, it's just because I intendance about you too much to show good manners.

Hamlet

I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipage?

HAMLET

I don't understand yous. Volition you play this recorder?

GUILDENSTERN

My lord, I cannot.

GUILDENSTERN

My lord, I tin can't.

GUILDENSTERN

Believe me, I cannot.

GUILDENSTERN

Believe me, I tin't.

GUILDENSTERN

I know no impact of it, my lord.

GUILDENSTERN

I don't know how, my lord.

Hamlet

It is as easy as lying. Govern these ventages with your fingers and thumb, give it breath with your oral cavity, and it will discourse almost eloquent music. Look you lot, these are the stops.

Village

It'southward as piece of cake as lying. Cover these holes with your fingers and thumb and blow into it, and information technology will produce the most beautiful music. See, here are the holes.

GUILDENSTERN

Only these cannot I command to whatsoever utterance of harmony. I accept non the skill.

GUILDENSTERN

But I can't play whatever kind of vocal or tune. I don't take the skill.

HAMLET

Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me. You would seem to know my stops. Yous would pluck out the heart of my mystery. You would audio me from my lowest notation to the top of my compass. And there is much music, splendid voice, in this little organ, notwithstanding cannot yous brand it speak? 'Sblood, exercise yous think I am easier to exist played on than a pipe? Phone call me what instrument you will, though y'all can fret me, withal you lot cannot play upon me.

HAMLET

Well, look at that, how you treat me similar such a fool. You keep trying to play me—every bit if you knew exactly where to put your fingers—to tease out my mystery—playing the full scale of all my notes. There is so much music in this piffling instrument, and yet you tin't make information technology speak? By God, do yous remember I'thou easier to play than a recorder? Call me whatever instrument you desire—even though you try to push my buttons, you tin can't play me.

HAMLET

God bless yous, sir.

Hamlet

God bless you, sir.

POLONIUS

My lord, the queen would speak with you lot, and presently.

POLONIUS

My lord, the queen would like to speak with you correct abroad.

Village

Practise you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?

Hamlet

Practise you come across the deject over there that looks almost like a camel?

POLONIUS

By th' mass, and 'tis similar a camel indeed.

POLONIUS

By God, it does look like a camel.

HAMLET

Methinks it is similar a weasel.

Hamlet

To me information technology looks like a weasel.

POLONIUS

It is backed like a weasel.

POLONIUS

Its back is like a weasel'due south.

POLONIUS

Very like a whale.

POLONIUS

Very much like a whale.

HAMLET

Then I will come to my female parent by and by. [aside] They fool me to the top of my aptitude.—I volition come by and by.

Hamlet

I'll come to come across my female parent before long.

[To himself] They're trying to play me as a fool, and at present I'one thousand almost to my breaking point

[To POLONIUS] I'll come shortly.

POLONIUS

I'll tell her that.

HAMLET

"By and by" is hands said.

Village

It'southward easy enough to say "soon."

Village

Get out me, friends.

HAMLET

Leave me alone, my friends.

Anybody except HAMLET exits.

Hamlet

'Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world. At present could I drink hot claret And do such biting business as the bitter day Would quake to look on. Soft, now to my mother.— O heart, lose not thy nature, let not ever The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom. Allow me exist brutal, not unnatural. I volition speak daggers to her but use none. My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites. How in my words somever she exist shent, To requite them seals never, my soul, consent!

HAMLET

It's now the time of night when witches roam, when graveyards open and the stench of hell breathes sickness into the world. Now I could potable hot claret and practise things so terrible it would make people tremble the side by side day. But wait, I must now go to see my mother. Oh, my middle, do not lose your humanity, don't permit yourself become like Nero . Let me be cruel, but not inhuman. I'll speak to her as sharply as a dagger, but not use a dagger. Though my words volition condemn her to hell, my soul must never make that condemnation into reality by letting me kill her.

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Source: https://www.litcharts.com/shakescleare/shakespeare-translations/hamlet/act-3-scene-2

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